A letter to...well. he'll know

Someone has said (not to me, personally; to a select subset of the world which happens to include me) that he’s in love with a woman. Repeatedly. I don’t hold myself out as an expert in love – I’m not. But, I am a wee bit older than you. So, I’ll talk, and you’ll listen (well, I’ll talk; this is, after all, my blog, and I can write whatever I damned well please). After I’m done talking, you can spit on me if you like (BTW, that’s "shithead-san" to you, punk). You’re in love with this woman, right? You certainly give that impression; if the answer is "No", tell us now. She’s not in love with you, right? A bitter truth, perhaps, but presumably that’s the cause of your ineffectual mooning over her. You want her to be in love you, right? The bitterest truth of all, if the answer be "No", but ‘fess up to us: do you value the chase or the capture? OK, we’ve established that the answers are "Yes", "No", and "Yes", and you would like them to all be "Yes". Here’s another bitter truth: she’s not going to come banging on your door, screaming, "Oh, my sweet, I was so wrong about you, take me now!" Not. Never. Probability zero. She doesn’t love you. Now, does that mean that she will never love you? Well, the odds are good that she will never love the person that you are right now. You tell us that you don’t like the person that you are right now; why should she? Or are you just hoping that she’ll wander by, notice that your door (physically and emotionally) is closed, and burst in yelling, "Even though you’re completely worthless in your mind, I love you!" So, you’re love with her, and she’s not in love with you. Who can she love? Don’t ask her; she’ll give you a line of bullshit. That’s not a reflection on her, or on women in general; men – we men – are as likely, or more likely, to hand out bullshit when an honest answer would be, "A trust fund that will buy me all the beer I can drink and big boobs". Know her. Observe her, learn her likes and dislikes (but don’t stalk her; that’s illegal and immoral). After all, if you don’t know her, you’re not really in love with her; at best, you’re in love with a distorted image of her that you’ve created in your mind. So, you know her, you know her likes and dislikes, her foibles, what and who she will love (those months that you spent staring at her with bugged eyes and slack jaw? A sunk cost, son; write it off and start over). OK, now, be that person. You have quite a few people willing to help you. We’ll coach you, advise you (for free, and worth what you’re paying for it), hold your arm when you try to walk, catch you if you fall. We’ll applaud your victories and mourn your defeats. We will – we do – sympathize with you, and we’ll tell you so, and show it as best we can.  We'll even carry you a ways. Just not forever, not if you're going to go limp on us.. John "Akatsukami" Braue Wednesday, December 18, 2002

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